


Just Not So

by mmmdraco



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-07-27
Packaged: 2017-11-10 20:12:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fall from the pedastal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Not So

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah. 
> 
> "Painted On My Heart" is by The Cult.
> 
> //lyrics//

It was matter-of-fact. The faucet dripped incessantly. Crickets chirped outside, in the basement, on the windowsill... A blond man with a worried expression sat silent on the edge of a bed. The room was dark. He was alone.

 

//I thought you'd be out of my mind//  
//And I'd finally found a way to//  
//Learn to live without you//

The man stood, and took off his shirt with ferocity, throwing it against a wall where it fell silent to the carpeted floor. He sighed, and threw open the door, wincing at the light that poured in. "I miss you, Noin."

He walked down the hallway, tracing fingers along the walls, eyes ghosting over pictures that had not yet been taken down. Hastily forming tears pooled in his eyes, escaping unnoticed to hang cold from his jaw, dropping to his shoulders and he continued walking, feet dragging, leaning to one side until he was stopped, body trembling slightly, and sank to the floor, wrapping his arms around his knees.

 

//I thought it was just a matter of time//  
//Till I had a hundred reasons//  
//Not to think about you//

He'd taken her for granted. All those years, she'd given him everything. She raised him up onto a pedastal that he didn't deserve, and she'd finally gotten fed up with him. Now, she was gone, and he hadn't a clue as to where. It was disheartening to fall from a pedastal... Disheartening to fall from her graces when ever since he'd met her, she'd become the one stable thing in his life.

 

//But it's just not so//  
//And after all this time//  
//I still can't let go//

Through it all, she had been there. She was damn fine at everything she did, and didn't pussyfoot around when she should have been working. He was the only thing she was weakened by, and now that she was over that, she was a perfect woman. At least, he thought so. "Zechs Marquise... Milliard Peacecraft... She was in love with both, and now she can't stand the sight of either."

 

//I've still got your face//  
//Painted on my heart//  
//Scrawled upon my soul//  
//Etched upon my memory baby//

Laying his head down on his knees, he tried to breathe calmly, and think rationally. He could move beyond this to wherever he wanted to be. All he had to do was to keep on breathing, and he'd be fine. He'd forget about her, he'd find someone else, and he's be happy.

But, things weren't as easily said as done. No matter how much he wanted it to be true, he couldn't leave behind the memory of her. She was there to stay, and as much as he tried to deny it, that's how things would always be.

 

//I've got your kiss//  
//Still burning on my lips//  
//The touch of your fingertips//  
//This love so deep inside of me//

She left abruptly. He'd come home the night before, and she'd been sitting on the couch looking at her watch. Shaking her head, she stood up, grabbed the suitcase that was by her feet, and only said, "Goodbye," before kissing him fiercely, and walking out the door. Remembering it, he sat up a bit, running his fingertips across his lips. "Lucrezia..."

 

//I was trying everything that I can//  
//To get my heart to forget you//  
//But it just can't seem to//  
//I guess it's just no use//

The light bulb above his head flickered and died, casting the hallway in dark shadows. He smirked slightly, wondering if the owner's mood affected how appliances worked. If it was the case, he'd bypass the toaster for a few days and stick to having cereal for breakfast... if he could stomach anything at all. 

He hadn't eaten all day. He's tried for some oatmeal in the morning, but he'd heaved it up at some point and found himself lying in a puddle of his own vomit. He didn't even know how. Perhaps he'd fallen asleep. Perhaps he's had a seizure. Perhaps he was just sick, and there was nothing that could be done about it, and he had only himself to count on now. Noin had always been the one to dote on him. 

 

//In every part of me//  
//Is still a part of you//

Sniffling, he laughed. "All I ever wanted was someone to love. I found it, and I let it go!" Soft sobs erupted from him, causing him to bury his face in his arms again as his shoulders shook.

 

//I've still got your face//  
//Painted on my heart//  
//Scrawled upon my soul//  
//Etched upon my memory baby//

It was all over. It had to be. The world was coming to an end and there wasn't anyone to stop it because he couldn't get that woman out of his mind. When she was there, he ignored her, pretending that she wasn't a fixture in his life. Now that she was gone, he realized just how important she truly had been. He loved her. Whether he had admitted it to himself before or not, now he knew it was true, and he regretted everything he'd ever done to hurt her.

 

//I've got your kiss//  
//Still burning on my lips//  
//The touch of your fingertips//  
//This love so deep inside of me//

He dragged himself up from the floor again, back sliding against the wall. He wished that he could say he'd had enough, but he didn't truly know what enough was. His stability was gone now, and he was left floudering in the presence of a reality he'd never had to be acquainted with before. Frankly, it scared him. The idea of laundry all but froze him in his tracks. He'd never done his own laundry before, and the few times Noin had tried to teach him how, he'd brushed her off. He couldn't cook, either. Unless it was toast, a sandwich, or a bowl of cereal, he burnt it, massacred it, or dropped it in the sink. Even his attempts to hard boil an egg had gone completely wrong. Somehow, the egg had burst inside the pan, sending the lid flying, and water and pieces of egg all over the ceiling, falling down to hit the counter, the floor, and the stove. She'd even been the one to clean up all of his messes, telling him to run off to a card party rather than stay home to do dishes with her. She was wonderful, but now she was gone.

 

//I've still got your face//  
//Painted on my heart//  
//Painted on my heart//  
//Painted on my heart//

He dragged himself into the bathroom, flipping on the light and catching a look at himself in the mirror. His skin was pale. His hair was rumpled. Dark bags showed under his eyes. His shoulder were slumped, mis muscles were loose, and the one smile he attempted couldn't ever be glimpsed on the form of his reflection.

 

//Something in your eyes keeps haunting me//  
//I'm trying to escape you//  
//And I know there ain't no way to//  
//To chase you from my mind//

Hastily pulling himself over to the shower, he turned the hot water all the way on, throwing the cold water on partially as well, then threw off his pajama bottoms, stepping into the shower with a sigh. If Noin has been there... she'd be with him. He was curious as to whom she was with instead.

 

//I've still got your face//  
//Painted on my heart//  
//Scrawled upon my soul//  
//Etched upon my memory baby//

Grabbing a bath stone, Zechs began furiously scrubbing down his skin, feeling the burn of the scrapes the fell upon him as quickly as the scalding water did. But, those feelings were nothing. He was numb to most things now. The scrapes, the scalp, everything but her and the reality that seeped in through the ludicrous thoughts that filled his head.

 

//I've got your kiss//  
//Still burning on my lips//  
//The touch of your fingertips//  
//This love so deep inside of me//

His shoulders still shook as he threw the stone down, breaking it in all of its exfoliating glory on the wet porcelain beneath his feet, wondering why he couldn't take it like a man. But, he wasn't a man. He was a discarded puppet. She was his everything, and without her to hold him up, and keep him headed in the right direction, he was limp to the world.

 

//I've still got your face//  
//I've still got your face//  
//painted on my heart//  
//painted on my heart//  
//painted on my heart//

He turned the shower off and sank to the ground again, long arms catching at the stone as he fingered the broken edges. His life was gone, but he didn't want to believe it. It was matter-of-fact. He thought he had it all under control, but it was just not so.


End file.
